


Awake

by Enki (Enkiwi)



Category: Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
Genre: Agender Character, Drug Use, Gen, House Dagoth Nerevarine, Intersex Character, Skooma (Elder Scrolls), Trans Masc Agender Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23774269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enkiwi/pseuds/Enki
Summary: "Dagoth Varyniya," she began, her voice somehow booming and yet a mere whisper at the same time. "You are Awake."
Kudos: 3





	1. Prologue

The first thing they remember after waking up is turning around to see a giant Dunmer womer. Stars and constellations danced along her dark skin like freckles, her cloak seemed to be made of the night sky itself: aurora emitted from it, lighting up the dark room the two of them were in with brilliant hues of blues, greens, and purples. In her right hand, she held a crescent moon that glowed gently, while in her left she held a brightly burning star. They were surprised to find that, despite the sheer brightness of the star, it didn't burn their eyes, and it only seemed to cast its twinkling light upon the womer.

  
Her hair, barely peeking out from under her hood, appeared to have been painted: the crimson curls were almost too perfect to appear real, with no flyaways and no tangles whatsoever. Atop her head sat a wreath of violet carnations, sparkling in the light of her moon and star as if they were freshly picked from morning dew.

  
A gentle smile lifted her painted lips as she looked down at them. Her golden, glowing eyes were warm yet sharp, and they felt that she could see right through them with little trouble.  
"Dagoth Varyniya," she began, her voice somehow booming and yet a mere whisper at the same time. "You are Awake."

  
"Awake? What do you mean? Where am I?”

  
"The ruins of Kogoruhn. This is one of the many citadels of your House scattered throughout Morrowind." She turns, looking down a long hall filled with dust and ash piles towards a door with a hint of light seeping underneath. "You no longer Sleep under Lord Voryn's command. You are free to leave."

  
Varyniya follows her gaze to the door and stares at it for a long while. "What's out there for me? If I've been Asleep here for so long, wouldn't this place be much safer than anything out there?"  
The womer shushes them and tilts their chin towards her with a finger.

  
"You were only safe while you were Asleep. I Woke you away from the other Sleepers and Dreamers. If you leave now, you will not be overtaken. If you don't, you will die."  
"But...why do I need to leave? Why did you wake me up?"

  
The womer hums, giving them a gentle smile. However, when they blink, she's gone, throwing the hall into darkness once more.

  
Varyniya looks around, a sense of panic beginning to sink into their mind. Paranoia forces them to begin walking down the hall towards the door. They slip now and again on the ash and dust, but they soon make it to the end of the hall.

  
The light underneath the door was flickering, but it was too pale to be light from a flame. Something was moving outside. With that, they begin pushing on the door. It was heavy, blocked by something.

  
As the door opens, a loud gush of wind forces its way inside, along with more ash. An ash storm. Their long, inky hair whips from side to side in the harsh wind, the ash dulling the shine in it and on their skin. They cough and squeeze their eyes shut, trying to keep the foreign material from getting into their lungs.

  
As they lift their arm to their face, they find that the collar of their tunic was long and folded over itself. It had to be for this very reason. They pull the fabric up and it covers their nose and mouth, then they pull their hood up over their head as they begin their trek down the ziggurat steps and into the ash wastes.

* * *

  
They travel for days through the ash until they finally come to a settlement. The sound of water rushing in and out told them that they'd reached the edge of the island. The tapestry blowing in the wind read "Khuul". In the dark of the night, Varyniya keeps walking until they reach the docks. The boats that were present were empty. Presumably, their captains were asleep at the local inn.  
Varyniya climbs into the smallest of the boats, a bare fishing sloop. They look over their shoulder to the mountain that towered over the island, spewing glowing red ash. And with that, they set sail.

  
Nearly two full weeks come and go before they hit land again. They limp out onto the black sand, ignoring the feeling of water and broken shells sloshing around in their boots. Collapsing on the beach, they roll to their back to catch their breath. The Sleepers and Dreamers would be well out of Voryn's control were they to come here. Varyniya was beginning to feel safe again, no longer bearing the tug on their mind towards the center of Vvardenfell. Towards Red Mountain. After a short rest, they stand again and continue on their way, walking west.

  
The ash that made up Vvardenfell's ground was present here too, but it slowly gave way to plains of dun-colored grass, then on to pale yellow-green. Mushrooms were being replaced with small, thin trees, and the generally reptilian wildlife of Morrowind mingled with furred and feathered animals of the mainland. The air became much cleaner and much cooler, and the sun shone behind clouds comprised of water instead of ash. The air was the same temperature as on Vvardenfell, but given its cleanliness, it felt unbelievably cool in their lungs. A short gasp in this air would provide the body with more oxygen than the deepest of inhales closer to the volcano.

  
Even the night appeared more vivid. They could see both Masser and Secunda, unimpeded by Red Mountain and its smoke. Though their memory had only begun a fortnight before now, the sight of twinkling stars in the sky inspired a feeling of deep nostalgia in their heart.

  
They think for a long while as they walk. Fragmented memories fade in and out of their mind. All of them took place in that strange ziggurat Kogoruhn. The dark halls with the deep blood haze filling the air seemed endless and winding, like a maze with no entrance or exit. Every now and then, Varyniya’s memory showed large, round rooms with sets of large dusty bells lining the walls. Strange rotund creatures with elongated snouts guarded the bells, and would occasionally tap them to make various chiming tunes. After each thought of the tune, Varyniya’s mind went blank and black, as if they had suddenly fallen asleep.

  
Sometimes, when they looked around their eyes would be level with the knees of mer whose skin was pale and caked in ash, though Varyniya knew they had never been outside. It was the age, they reasoned. The mer had to have been inside Kogoruhn long enough for any ash that had swept itself in under the doors to cover them. Varyniya recoils when they look up and see a hole carved deep into a mer’s skull, removing the top half of their face and making any identification impossible. They don’t want to look up anymore.

  
Some of the mer were even taller, though appeared much cleaner. They wore bright red loincloths and accouterment. Golden crowns placed upon their heads pulled their hair back so tightly it looked like their scalp would tear itself from the rest of their head at the slightest movement. But the most terrifying feature of these mer were their eyes. They were a normal bright red color for any Dunmer, though glassy and boring deep holes into the subjects of their focus with unsettling expressions. But, the middle of their foreheads split open to reveal a third eye. Always it was wide open, with a large, unfocused pupil.

  
It doesn’t take Varyniya long to discover their own third eye.


	2. Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They suddenly find themselves wishing that Azura had woken them sooner.

Varyniya’s chin rested on their palm as they stared out the window into the vibrant waves of grass that they had come to know as their home for the past several months. The window at the other end of the room framed the shore into the lake surrounding the Imperial City. It was the clearest water they had ever seen. Their first day had been spent simply watching little fish and frogs swimming about below the surface. 

They jump slightly in their seat as their focus is torn away from the window when they hear the door open. The Redguard woman, Rashida, as she introduced herself, had taken Varyniya in and tended to their malnourishment. They recall the day they’d met her. She’d been out fishing in the lake when she saw them passed out on the shore.

“How is your chest feeling, V?” she asks cheerily, setting down her bag, as well as a new small basket filled with ingredients and potions. Varyniya didn’t know why she called them ‘V’, but they had taken to the nickname rather fondly. If any other Dunmer knew anything about House Dagoth, they didn’t want their full name tipping them off. If the nightmares they’d been experiencing were anything to go on, House Dagoth would spark fear in anyone’s heart. And Varyniya didn’t want people to be afraid of them. 

They press a hand to the bandages wrapped around their chest and look down. When Rashida had first spoken to them after they’d woken up, they remember her constantly calling them a woman. They weren’t sure why, but it felt wrong. As if she was mistaking them for someone else. Of course, being Awake for such a short period of time, they had no idea how to explain it. It wasn’t like they were great at talking to other people, either. But once they finally got their point across, Rashida easily switched with an apologetic grin.

“Still tight.”

“Have you been stretching, as I told you to? Binding isn’t something you can just leap into. How long have you been wearing the bandages today?”

Varyniya smiled sheepishly, knowing full well that they’d been wearing the bandages too long for the day. Rashida rolled her eyes and gestured to the oversized tunic by the bookshelf. They took the hint and started unraveling the bandages before slipping into the baggy piece of clothing. It was a comfortable method of concealing their figure if a bit stuffy in the summer weather.

“I managed to find some potions that might be able to help you. I’ve even started consulting some healers in the Temple District to see what they think we can do about your chest.” Rashida says as she starts organizing her groceries. She holds up a small vial with a blue liquid before tossing it in V’s direction. “Here, for your nightmares. Take it before you go to sleep tonight, and we’ll see how well it works.”

V stumbles as they catch the vial, trying to keep it from slipping out of their too-long sleeves. The Redguard laughs, before going back to her task.

They suddenly find themselves wishing that Azura had woken them sooner.

* * *

V sits up after their nap under the tree just outside the shack they shared with Rashida to see the Waterfront District crawling with guards. None of them seemed to have noticed the Dunmer yet, so they quickly slip back into the house.

“Rashida, do you have any idea what’s going on? Is the Watch Captain looking for that Grey Fox person aga-”

They stop as they look up to see two guards. One has Rashida in cuffs, and the other has his hand on the hilt of his sword, ready to draw it at any time. All three look up when the Dunmer entered the home. Rashida’s expression of fear was not well hidden. She never could get the hang of masking her emotions behind a poker face, and this was something V had teased her for on occasion.

“What...What’s going on? What do they think you did?” V asks, looking between the two guards, their ears drooping.

“We happen to have proof that Rashida ap Jamil, here, has been purchasing and distributing goods through a Black Market run by the Grey Fox.” The guard closest to V barks. His grip on his sword tightens, and he looks the Dunmer up and down. “And who in Oblivion are you? I don’t remember seeing your face around the city.”

“Perhaps we should take him in, too.” the second guard remarks. The pronoun bites into V’s heart, though not nearly as much as the thought that they and Rashida were about to be arrested. “He might be working with her. Maybe he’s a mule or something.”

Rashida shakes her head. “No, V’s-” Her outburst is interrupted by a yelp of pain as the guard twists her cuffed arms in a direction that would have made Molag Bal wince.

“Or a smuggler from Vvardenfell.” the first guard remarks as he kicks at V’s bag, resting in the corner. A couple of the empty sleeping potion vials drop out of the bag, high pitched glass-toned clatters sounding in the room as they hit the wooden planks that make up the floor. “These look like skooma vials to me. All empty. Couldn’t help but indulge in a bit of your own product, huh, criminal scum?”

“N-no, those are slee-”

“Does it look like I care? They’re obviously yours, so take responsibility!” he growls, stepping towards V with a free pair of cuffs. “I’m taking you in!”

The skin on V’s forehead pulls itself taut, and they find their vision altered with a third source above their brow. The first guard pauses, staring in disgust at the third eye, while the second leans away as if to get as far away from the three-eyed abomination as possible. 

The moment the first guard starts moving again, V’s mind explodes with thoughts. It was to be expected that their mind would race at a time like this, but this was different. They gripped their head in agony as what felt like millions of thoughts that weren’t their own tried to fit through the tiny third eye and invade their head.

_What’s happening? What is this freak on?_ _Varyniya! Are they okay?_ I can’t go to prison, they have nothing on me! **What is this monster? Where in Oblivion did he come from? Is he going to kill us what is that thing** _i just need to get these cuffs_ **on his head why does it look like an eye** _around his wrists_ _v i’m so sorry that you got caught up in_ _and he won’t be able to do anything to us_ _all of this i never meant for it to get this far--_

Varyniya Dagoth screams. Everything goes dark. They hear several thuds and feel their own body hitting the floor.

* * *

The next thing V remembers is feeling dizzy. Their head feels as if it’s been split open and stuffed with cotton. They can’t see anything, even though they know their eyes are open and they hear the crackle of torch flames. In a panic, they lift their hands to their face, only to sigh in relief when they find a bandana wrapped around their head instead of a missing face like the strange mer from their memories.

They don’t know if it’s from their dizziness or the horrific memory, but they soon find their stomach beginning to churn, and they crawl along the floor, feeling around with their hands until they find a bucket. Judging by the cuffs on their wrists, they know themself to be in a jail cell. The bucket was to be used as a bedpan, but they didn’t care. 

V releases the contents of their stomach into the bucket, retching and coughing when they finally manage to draw breath. They hear a few other prisoners groaning in disgust and yelling at them to quiet down, but they drown the voices out. Even still, annoyed and angry thoughts invade their head, the same way they had back at Rashida’s house. Though it was painful enough to make V vomit again, it wasn’t nearly as bad as the first experience had been.

“Quiet down in there, freak!” a warden shouts, whacking at the bars of V’s cell doors with his mace.

Once they manage to calm down, V rips the bandana from their head and squints in the searing torchlight.

“...Fuck.”

* * *

The next few weeks are spent in the cell. Sometimes a guard would come in and interrogate V, knocking them around as he did. But they didn’t expect the day when an Imperial Watch Captain opened their cell door.

“Get up, elf. You’re going home.” The Captain’s tone was just as rough as his subordinates, and he doesn’t wait for V to collect themself before he yanks them to their feet with a harsh grip on their bicep. 

“Home? I’ve been cleared? Wh...what about Rashida? Where is she?”

“Shut it.” the Captain shoves V and crosses his arm. “I never said you were cleared.”

“But...But you said I was going home.”

“Yeah, back where you belong. Morrowind.”

V stared at the Imperial for a long moment, before shaking their head. “My home isn’t  _ in  _ Morrowind!” they object, earning another shove. They stumble, their back hitting the wall.

“Captain Avidius, the ship is leaving soon.” called the warden from the hallway, grinning as he played with the ring of keys he’d always carried on his person. The reminder makes the Watch Captain grunt, and he grabs V’s arm once more. “Come with me, elf.”

* * *

V wakes up to see another Dunmer kneeling over them. They sit up and he gently helps them up, hooking his arm around their waist. 

“Stand up.” he rasps. “There you go. You were dreaming. What’s your name?”

The smaller Dunmer stares at him nervously, looking over his scarred face, and his milky right eye. “...V...Varyniya. You can call me V.” they stammer. The mer’s harsh face softened and he offered a grin to quell their anxiety.

“It’s nice to meet you, V. You may call me Jiub.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! I don't often write fiction, especially when it's just a game's plot through a player character's eyes, but I figured I should try to do this either way. I don't...really know how to write longer things without just giving up, but with everything happening in the world with COVID-19 right now, I might as well get this shit down. I hope you enjoy!! ;w;


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